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Saturday, March 19, 2011

I Went There!

 Where I went was into the zany universe of Robblogger, in his smashing debut ebook, Don't Go There. But it's not really the debut ebook that's smashing. The smashing you hear are household appliances and other objects being hurled at Robblogger by his girlfriend, after he has frustrated her beyond the threshold of domestic civility yet again. Evidently, this happens quite often. In fact, Don't Go There grew out of one such Robbloggerish episode.

It seems the (extremely patient/longsuffering and saintly, I'm sure) Significant Other in question wanted to venture out beyond the smokey interior of the crib. The silly gal even suggested traveling somewhere outside Canada. This ebook gives you an idea of the logic and methods he used to talk her out of it.

It's not really a travel guide; it's an anti-travel guide. Armed with info gleaned from Google, Wikipedia and the US State Department, our cynical soothsayer slays the reputation of many potential vacation spots/travel destinations, doing his dangdest to dissuade daunting daredevils from endangering themselves from attacks of international lameness.

Here's an excerpt from the Switzerland chapter:

A land of mountains, more mountains, and to break up the monotonous mountains, some more mountains. They also had a couple of big tiffs in Europe awhile back and the Swiss chose not to get involved.
I don't like that. The Germans showed a little initiative, wanted everyone to wear brown trousers, and shiny boots. The rest of the world wasn't keen on high stepping so we spanked them a bit. They've been quiet since, and I think they apologized for the inconvenience.
Where were you, Swiss Miss? You could have been a big help with all those Swiss army knives. You could have shortened the whole Germany Strikes Back, The Return of the Fatherland by a couple weeks anyway.
You had a lot of nerve selling those army knives of Swiss when you did the equivalent of hiding under the bed during the storm. I liked you better when I thought you were fictional. I had one of your multipurpose cutlery dispensers when I was young. I can't remember if it had a white flag in addition to the cork screw. It probably should have.
I'm going to try and remain neutral, however. I'd hate to offend the Swiss and find they had become apathetic towards me. If I spark an international incident I'm sure their total lack of involvement and ambivalence would be crushing.
Actually I'm rewarding a point for this. Why, dear readers? Well I figure if I get caught fooling around with a buxom Swiss watchmakers wife, and she yodels and wakes her husband, he likely won't want to fight.

This is a great book to keep in the bathroom. And I don't just mean for those times when you run out of toilet paper (it's an ebook, anyway). Robblogger took me on a virtual rollercoaster of reactions from grinning to giggling to guffawing. His humor has such an appeal to me, I'm willing to forgive him for not knowing that The Sound of Music took place in Austria.

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