I bet you didn't know, dear readers (despite the warning in my bio at left that I'm a criminal genius mastermind), that I'm one dangerous mamma-jamma. You thought I was just some harmless sporadic blogger with a razor wit and a fast keyboard. Or was it a fast wit and a razor keyboard? No wonder my fingers are bleeding! Ahem. Little did you know I'm like a cross between Doc Savage and Baron Munchausen...with maybe a little of that Liam Niesen(?) character from Taken
That's right--I'm a dangerous mamma-jamma with a network
. I have a crack team of specialists at my beck and call, who I occasionally summon to my underground lair, and assign them components of various tasks to carry out as part of my diabolical plans. Add to this my army of Robblogger clones
and Oprah Winfrey's svengali-like power over the masses (not to mention her fortune), and I'll be invincible! World domination is mine! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
OK, I haven't actually tapped into Oprah's svengali-like powers, yet. Or her fortune. But I do have access to a photo of something with Robblogger's DNA.
Back to my crack team of specialists:
In a previous blog entry
, I ranted about the cyber sniper/tagging bandit/little chicken s**t who has been applying false tags (like "anti-semitic" and "christian identity"--a buzzword for white supremacy) to the Amazon pages of some authors' books, including mine. All joking aside for a moment, these underhanded smear tactics are despicable, and are meant to cause irreparable damage to the reputation of the authors. Furthermore, the individual responsible knows full well that the accusations are opposite of the truth.
My League of Extraodinary Hackers have tracked down the tagging bandit, and I've confirmed some theories by consulting with the first victim. Got the current area of operation plus previous addresses, etc. I've got a psychological profile, augmented by some other legwork. You know--like the stats compiled for serial killers and stuff like that. Ahh, the Information Age.
The sunny, fuzzy part of this brilliant blog post is finished. What follows will likely only be of interest to a couple people. It is only for their sake I am posting it. To the rest of you: I'll see ya next time.
The perp is a white female in her late 40s, residing in the Midwest, with occasional visits to places like New York and Alabama. College educated, but unemployed. Single, and likely to remain so. Data suggests she is from a dysfunctional family; the middle child. Deep-rooted issues with both parents, especially the alcoholic mother. Sexually dysfunctional herself, and yet fascinated by sexuality.
Like Hitler, she has artistic aspirations, yet has fallen far short of her ambitions in that regard. She is infuriated by the success of some of her peers, but instead of focusing her energy on producing her own work, she prefers to criticize the work of others.
There are many contradictions, or hypocracies, in the profile. The least of these is her self-identification as a feminist (sometimes a lesbian), even though she has demonstrated a desperate (manic) dependency on the men she has access to. She considers herself an animal rights advocate, yet buys and wears fur. An advocate of gun control, she also has illegally bought firearms and police reports indicate she once used one to inflict self-injury (probably as an attention-getting ploy against a love interest trying to escape from her). While quick to accuse those she disagrees with of racism (sometimes even supplying false leads to federal law enforcement to identify her personal enemies with known hate groups), she harbors many racist/anti-semitic attitudes herself and has been known to use racial slurs/anti-semitic epithets during her frequent fits of rage.
Her history is stacked with various prescriptions for anti-psychotic medications, which cumulatively have rendered her unable to function socially for even limited periods of time. She has almost as many diagnoses--bipolar, skitzophrenic, borderline, manic-depressive, etc. She has boasted to many associates of "acing the test" of her original diagnosis by studying the disorders beforehand and knowing what answers to give the psychiatrists in order to receive lifetime welfare entitlements--which she has, and does, to this day. She has never worked an honest day's labor in her entire life, though she often claims to have.
False claims are so prolific that it is questionable she was ever abused as a child or sexually molested, as she often purports to both acquaintances and strangers. Most probably this is just an extension of a pattern of seeking attention and coercing sympathy from others, which has included multiple incidents of non-lethal self-mutilation--also used as a guilt tactic against those she attempts to control personally. She has faked pregnancies more than once in order to trap men who did not want to be with her--a bitter irony for someone who can't conceive.
The perp sees herself as a victim, and believes that the world owes her something. Her poor self-image is compounded by her weight, which is normally heavy. Not disciplined enough to exercise, she has gone through cycles of rapid weight loss via starvation diets--again often for the purpose of attention and sympathy, though at no point in her weight cycle is she very attractive to men in her age group. Friendships have been short-lived and even family and medical professionals have been unable to tolerate her hateful, narcisistic disposition for very long.
Often acting under spontaneous compulsion, she just as often acts with premeditation. Including, but not limited to, her declaration of bankruptcy in the 1990s, she has evaded paying her sometimes substantial debts by using her psychological diagnosis to plead mental incompetency--after verbalizing her intention to do so beforehand.
She is a stalker, with some scary similarities to the psychotic skank in Fatal Attraction. (What was her name, again?) And, apparently, this loser now spends her time doing what she can to sabotage the writing careers of others by engineering racist tags for books she has never read and, most likely, knows damn well are no such thing.
When they were passing out brains, she thought they said "trains" and asked for a Tonka toy. If "she" was a "he" pulling this petty garbage on somebody who knows where she lives, Chances are, "he" would get his arse kicked a distance similar to that of, say, from Chicago, Illinois back to Dayton, Ohio. Something like that.
To quote Clint Eastwood/Walt Kowalski from Gran Torino:
Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while that you shouldn't have f***ed with? (spit) That's me.
My apologies to all my bona fide followers. Hey--I warned you not to read on. I promise to go back to my sunny, warm, fuzzy blogging ways now.